Best Friend
LIGHTS UP
(CHRIS and MARIA are hosting a dinner party at their home. Along with their guests, ZAC and MINDY, they are eating outside on the back patio on a beautiful night. Everyone has finished dessert, and MARIA is returning from the kitchen with a bottle of wine.)
MARIA
Chris, I’m going to leave the dishes in the sink and do them in the morning.
CHRIS
Sounds good.
MARIA
Would anyone like a glass of dessert wine to finish off?
ZAC
Oh yes.
MINDY
None for me, but you all go ahead.
CHRIS
Thanks, honey.
(Suddenly, a Brittany Spaniel barks from behind ZAC, scaring him.)
ZAC
Jesus!
MARIA
Oh, sorry. Zoey you want some wine too?
MINDY
How long has your dog been here?
CHRIS
The whole time. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed.
ZAC
Well, she’s incredibly well behaved. Zoey, you said? When did you two get Zoey?
MARIA
Oh gosh, about a month or two ago. Does that sound right, Chris?
CHRIS
That’s it. Picked her up from the shelter but she’s been an absolute sweetheart.
ZAC
She’s very well behaved.
CHRIS
She really is. We completely lucked out.
MARIA
You two should go down to that shelter and get a dog. We could have some doggie play dates.
(MINDY suddenly turns inward, hiding the fact that she’s very upset.)
CHRIS
Oh yeah, we could go to the dog park together. Or even on some of those longer trails where you can let the dogs off leash. If you two get a dog, we could even go –
ZAC
Can you stop? Please?
CHRIS
I’m sorry?
(MINDY is unable to hide back the tears which now stream down her face.)
ZAC
You’re really upsetting Mindy. Please stop.
MARIA
Oh my god, Mindy, sweetie, what’s the matter?
MINDY
It’s the dog.
MARIA
Oh, are you allergic to dogs?
(MINDY shakes her head no.)
MARIA
Oh, Mindy. You can tell us. We’re all best friends here.
(MINDY looks at ZAC.)
ZAC
Mindy and I just found out … that … we … are unable to have dogs of our own.
MINDY
I’m barren.
(CHRIS and MARIA look at each other as MINDY sobs hard at her own revelation.)
ZAC
So, it’s nothing personal. I just think seeing Zoey is a reminder that we will be without dogs even in our old age.
CHRIS
You mean you can’t have dogs of your own?
MINDY
Yes. That’s what “barren” means, Chris.
CHRIS
But, actually –
ZAC
Why do you have to rub it in? We’re happy you have a dog but it’s just not something that works out for every couple.
MINDY
Especially when you’re as barren as the Sahara Desert.
MARIA
Can I just clarify something? We are talking about dogs, right?
MINDY
Of course we are! How else would someone be barren?
CHRIS
Why can’t you adopt a dog from the shelter like we did?
MINDY
Do you not know the definition of the word, “barren”?
CHRIS and MARIA
Do you?
ZAC
There’s no need to be rude.
MINDY
It’s hard enough to have society tell you that you’re not a complete family unless you have a dog.
ZAC
Or living in a culture that heavily insinuates only dog-owners can feel a certain kind of deep and meaningful love.
MINDY
You have no idea what it’s like to watch all your friends have dogs and take them to training and have little doggie graduations. And the whole time I must sit on the sideline wondering if God hates me and that’s why I’m barren.
CHRIS
Once again, I’d like to correct ---
ZAC
You’ll keep your mouth shut, Chris. This is a heavy and sensitive subject in our household.
(MINDY starts crying again.)
MINDY
Everything about my biology is telling me, “get a dog”, but the cruel joke is that we never will. Might as well call me “Barren Von Trap” because we are trapped in our dog-less marriage.
MARIA
Mindy. You’re … right. We don’t understand how you feel. But … I’m really sorry for what you’re going through.
CHRIS
Um … yeah. We didn’t mean to upset you both. I’m sorry too.
ZAC
Guys, it happens. We’re friends, no matter what.
MINDY
It’s my fault. I’ve been overly emotional ever since I found out I was pregnant.
LIGHTS
