Gulf
LIGHTS UP
(On the tarmac of a private airport exclusively for the ultra-rich. ANDREW, a wealthy business owner and executive, is helping TABITHA exit his brand-new Gulfstream G800.)
TABITHA
I think we’ve made a wonderful deal today, Andrew. Thank you for your hospitality.
ANDREW
Tabitha, nothing makes me happier than doing business with someone I trust. I remain excited about the future and, if I’m honest, the profit potential.
TABITHA
You buying another new jet?
ANDREW
Ha! No. But she’s great, huh? This plane has been one of my favorite purchases.
TABITHA
It certainly didn’t hurt the business deal to wheel me around in luxury for a few hours.
(ANDREW lifts TABITHA’S bag and hands it to her.)
ANDREW
Don’t forget your things. There should be a car waiting for you outside the terminal to take you to your hotel.
(ANDREW and TABITHA have one final handshake.)
TABITHA
Thanks again, Andrew.
ANDREW
Thank you. So long!
(TABITHA walks towards the terminal building carrying her belongings. After she is out of sight, ANDREW returns to his Gulfstream and sits in a comfortable chair in the cabin. REX, the pilot, comes out of the cockpit.)
REX
Sir?
ANDREW
Captain. Another fine round aboard the most glorious plane in the world. Thank you for your service once again.
REX
Sir. I’m turning in my two weeks’ notice.
ANDREW
What? Rex? You’re quitting on me?
REX
I mean no disrespect, but this isn’t what I signed up for, sir.
ANDREW
Not what you signed up for? You’re a pilot.
REX
Yes sir. A decorated fighter pilot at that.
ANDREW
I hired you after six years flying commercial airliners.
REX
A job I absolutely hated, sir.
ANDREW
And now you’re the pilot of a brand-new Gulfstream G800 – the world’s most luxurious private jet.
REX
It’s very nice.
ANDREW
Very nice? This is top of the line in both technology and luxury. A whisper-quiet interior, cabin lights that dim and brighten according to circadian rhythms and just look at these chairs – they massage! That’s real Corinthian leather, Rex.
REX
It’s a marvel of modern engineering.
ANDREW
Do I not pay you enough?
REX
You pay me handsomely, sir.
ANDREW
Then why do you want to quit? Are you tired of being a pilot?
REX
I love being a pilot.
ANDREW
Then I don’t see the problem.
REX
The problem, sir, is that we never fly.
ANDREW
Just because it’s a plane doesn’t mean it has to fly everywhere. Besides, have you seen these oval panoramic windows?
REX
It’s an incredible machine.
ANDREW
Incredible? Take a deep breath in, Rex. That’s plasma-ionized air.
REX
Believe me, I’d love to fire up these twin Rolls Royce Pearl turbos to more than twenty knots - but you insist on having me drive circles around the airport tarmac for hours while you make private business deals.
ANDREW
I’m too afraid to fly.
REX
Then why do you own a G800?
ANDREW
Because this is how business gets done, Rex. You must project an image of status and power. This thing has two champagne refrigerators. One for each bathroom.
REX
That’s nice, but you’re going to have to find another pilot who will be your cab driver.
ANDREW
The G800 is not a taxi!
REX
But all I do is taxi!
ANDREW
Rex, please, I don’t want to lose you; there has got to be some sort of deal we can work out. Do you want to spend some time in the massage chair?
(An airline MECHANIC approaches the stairs leading to the open door of the jet and calls up.)
MECHANIC
Ready for a re-fuel?
(REX, still inside, calls down.)
REX
Sure, go ahead. (Under his breath.) Should only need half a gallon. (Back to ANDREW.) Sir, we pilots have an inner need to be in the sky. We can’t stay grounded for too long or we start to get anxious. I don’t want to disrupt the way you do business. And so, I think the best thing is for me to take that job opening up over at Cargo-X - -
(Outside, the MECHANIC, having finished the refuel, slips a ski mask over his head and face. He pulls an Uzi sub-machine gun from a black duffel bag. The Mechanic is a HIJACKER, and he rushes up the stairs to board the plane.)
HIJACKER
Alright, nobody moves! You, pilot! Let’s get this bird in the air, be quick about it.
REX
Andrew, you can be afraid to fly, or you can be afraid to die – but right now, you can’t be both.
ANDREW
You’ve always wanted to get this thing airborne; I guess this is your big chance.
(The HIJACKER shuts the door and aims his gun at REX.)
HIJACKER
We don’t have time for chit chat. Engines on!
(REX hops in the cockpit and begins flipping switches. ANDREW sits in a chair and buckles the seat belt. The HIJACKER stands in between them, pointing the Uzi and barking orders. The Gulfstream G800 taxis towards an open runway, speeds up, and lifts into the air flying off into the clouds.)
ONE HOUR LATER -
(REX and ANDREW are relaxing in the massage chairs of the G800 as it flies at cruising altitude towards Central America.)
ANDREW
… and it’s all in the navigation system?
REX
I’m telling you, with the Symmetry Flight Deck System, this plane practically flies itself.
ANDREW
Doesn’t that spoil the fun for the pilot inside of you?
REX
I used to think that way, Andrew.
(REX shifts in the massage chair and pulls his eye-mask down.)
REX
Used to.
(The HIJACKER comes out of the bathroom.)
HIJACKER
More champagne, anyone?
LIGHTS
